Nothing Like Mischief and Tasers
by Zelda2h2
Summary: LokixDarcy (shameless, I know, but they're so cute!) a series of songfics and oneshots featuring Darcy Lewis and Loki Odinson. Rated T to be safe, and beware for fluffyness and naughtyness (but no lemons/smut)
1. Avengers, Assemble!

**Disclaimer: Avengers belongs to Marvel.**

**What Makes You Beautiful belongs to One Direction.**

** What Makes You Beautiful *Parody* belongs to barelypolitical (check them out on YouTube)**

**Avengers Assemble! (song) belongs to screenteamshow (check them out on YouTube)**

**I do however own the story below and the computer I'm writing it on ^.^**

**Avengers Assemble!**

"Crap crap shit balls crap." Darcy Lewis muttered as she rushed down the halls of the enormous S.H.I.E.L.D base. Day one and she was already running late. When she finally came to the doors of the Tesseract Receiving Facility, her boss Jane Foster was there waiting for her.

"Where have you been?" Jane asked.

"Lost. Did I miss anything?"

"He's just starting to come through now." Jane grabbed Darcy's wrist and pulled her through the automatic doors. Inside the high ceilinged room was a large platform. Different lab workers were scattered around, but also a group of…very different looking people. Of course all of whom Darcy recognized from TV; Captain America, Iron Man, Black Widow, Hawkeye- and one man she didn't know. But he had the same expression of not wanting to be there as her.

Tony Stark saw Darcy and Jane and made a beeline for them. "So this is the infamous Dr. Foster." He smiled. "You know I read some of your work on the Einstein Rosen Bridge- kept me up all night." Apparently this was a compliment. Tony turned to Darcy. "And who might you be? You'd think I know someone as attractive as yourself already."

"Darcy, I'm J- Dr. Foster's assistant."

"Fresh outta college no doubt. Come on; meet the rest of the gang."

Steve Rogers was very polite to Darcy- he had that whole 'Home Grown American Boy Next Door' thing going on for him- not really her style, but still nice to know such men existed. Clint Barton and Natasha Romanov had some _serious_ sexual tension that needed to get relief fast. The guy Darcy didn't know was Dr. Bruce Banner-

"Oh I remember you!" she exclaimed when he introduced himself. "I'm a huge fan of your recent work-"

"What, when I turn into a huge green rage monster?" he asked half-joking.

"No no- well, that's kind of awesome too. But I mean your work in Calcutta-"

All of a sudden there was a lot of rushing around and commotion. Jane tensed next to Darcy and everyone watched as a blinding blue light filled the room. Two figures landed on the platform. Both dressed in Asguardian armor, Thor and Loki looked up at the crowd watching them.

Without warning Clint pulled out a bow and an arrow. Within seconds he had fired it at Loki's head. Darcy let out an involuntary scream, but it got stuck in her throat when Loki caught it inches away from its target (his face).

"Really? Are we still bitter about that?" he asked, snapping the arrow in two.

_Oh my god. _Darcy thought. _Thor's brother's freaking sexy! Sure I saw his picture in that file- but paired with that accent. Dear Lord I think my ovaries just burst._

Thor stood next to Loki for a moment until he saw Erik Selvig. "My good friend!" he bellowed, sweeping the poor man into a bone crushing hug.

"So does that make me chopped liver?" Darcy called.

"Lady Darcy!" Thro went to hug her as well, but he stopped suddenly. "Do you possess that lightning weapon still?"

Darcy laughed. "That's only for the creeps on the street. Now hug me brotha!" When she felt like the air was being squeezed out of her lungs, Darcy realized she'd only brought that on herself. "Okay big guy. Let me go and make out with your girlfriend." Thor let her down and went to go greet Jane. And by greet there was lots of kissing.

"Oh isn't that sweet." Tony grimaced.

"Ha, try working with her. 'Is he okay? I hope he got home safely. Oh why doesn't Thor come for me like he said? God I'm so sexually frustrated I could hump a bagel!' " Darcy did a bad imitation of Jane.

Tony and Bruce laughed, while Loki shook his head and chuckled. _Mortals_. He thought, and then looked to the woman that had made the remark. _Though I must admit this one has potential. She is lovely too…_

**NaNanaNaNanaNaNanaNa**

**Nananananananana Moves Like Batman**

As part of his punishment, Loki was sent to Earth (under the supervision of Thor) to work with the Avengers and make up for what he had done.

Jane's research was moved to the Avenger's Tower- because the 'Bifrost' still wasn't working. Thor and Loki had simply used the Tesseract's powers again. So Darcy spent most of her time there along with her boss.

It happened one night when she was up late copying Jane's handwritten notes onto the computer. "Holy shit." Darcy groaned. "That cannot be a word; it's not in the Microsoft dictionary. It just…can't be." Deciding to take a break, she plugged her headphones into her iPod and went to get a coffee. But she didn't notice that they weren't plugged in all the way, so the music played through the speakers instead. Good thing that part of the building was deserted, right?

Wrong.

**NaNanaNaNanaNaNanaNa**

**Nananananananana Moves Like Batman**

Loki was up- like most nights- reading. Midguardian culture was quite fascinating. But he required more of this 'coffee' beverage Thor was so fond of. It aided in keeping him awake.

On his way to the kitchen, Loki heard a faint ring of what those on Midguard called music. As he got closer he could make out the sound of hurried drums and a strange growling. Bopping her head to the music was Darcy Lewis- her dark curls falling around her face as she put water in the coffee pot. The song ended and she looked up and blushed furiously. "I didn't have my headphones plugged in all the way, did I?"

Loki shook his head with a smirk. Darcy sighed, "Dammit, I've got to stop doing that. Anywhore, care for some coffee? I just put on a fresh pot."

"That would be nice, thank you." Loki nodded his head and leaned on the counter. He observed Darcy in her skinny jeans and tank top that showed enough cleavage to make any mortal (or immortal) man stop and look. Her feet were bare and her glasses were perched on the end of her nose.

Darcy puttered around the kitchen getting mugs, cream, milk, sugar and spoons. But she was also checking out the attractive god not five feet away from her. He was in a blue dress shirt, black slacks and dress shoes. His long hair was slicked back other than one loose strand that dangled over his face. _So. Freaking. Yummy!_

"So, kudos on not trying to take over the planet again." Darcy said, finally unable to take the silence.

"Well, considering I was beaten quite fiercely the first time, I didn't see the point in continuing the attempt." Loki shrugged.

"Yeah, I heard Bruce beat you into the floor- um." Darcy flushed again and stifled a giggle. "But I also saw a tape of your speech thing in Germany. Is that what you really think? The whole Freedom is a Lie thing?"

Loki sighed, _Here we go again. _He thought. _Another freedom fighter._ "Yes."

"I agree."

"Pardon?" was he honestly hearing what he thought he was.

"I mean, I wouldn't go as far as enslaving humanity, but there have always been people in the world supposedly fighting for freedom. But in the end, it's all greedy politics." Darcy shrugged. "I may not look like much, but I went to school. I learned this shit. And you're not totally wrong. But not totally right either."

For the rest of the night Loki and Darcy conversed about things that were important to some like global economy and freedom and peace. Eventually Darcy stifled a yawn and looked out the window.

"Holy crap- sun. Yikes." She took a sip of her coffee and grimaced. "And cold coffee. Wonderful. What a fantabulous start to the day." She sighed. "Well, as wonderful as it was talking with you- I've got to get some work done."

Loki stopped Darcy before she could leave. "I'm sorry for keeping you so late. Allow me." He touched her cup for the briefest moment and it started to bubble and steam like it was fresh.

"What the crap?" she took a sip and scalded her tongue. "What happened to being god of Mischief and Lies?"

Loki smirked. "Mischief, Lies, Tricks…and Fire." He bowed his head as he had been taught to do in a Lady's presence and took his leave. "I think I shall return here later. Perhaps you would join me?"

Darcy was dumbfounded. "Uh, yeah. Sure. Whatever you say…"

**NaNanaNaNanaNaNanaNa**

**Nananananananana Moves Like Batman**

What started out as innocent coffee soon became lunch runs. Followed by candlelit dinners and walks in the park. Most people wouldn't dare go to Central Park at night, but it was almost like there was a veil around the couple that kept muggers away.

Jane noticed an immediate change in Darcy- her work was completed before it was due, with little error. Like she wanted it done and not have to look at it again. Thor saw that his brother wasn't bitter about staying on the planet he'd attempted to rule. In fact he became an extreme asset to the Avengers.

Loki told Darcy of the wonders of the universe. Of Asgard and Elfinheim- of the Bifrost and his adventures with Thor, Sif and the Warriors Three. In turn she told him about Doctor Who, Harry Potter, anime, comic books and Cosplays. That was when the idea first popped into her head.

"So people dress up as fantasy characters, and all congregate in a single hall. Comparing stories?" Loki asked, holding Darcy on his lap while she showed him pictures of her favorite Cosplays on her laptop.

"Pretty much, yeah." She nodded. "See, here are some characters from that anime I told you about- Black Butler. There's Sebastian, Ciel, oh that's a good one of Grell…And here's Cloud Strife from a video game called Final Fantasy…" Darcy glanced over at the categories when she clicked on the Super Hero's icon. "And I think you may take interest and these." Up popped images for the sub categories- Superman, X-Men, Batman…and the Avengers.

Loki raised a dark brow as he looked at the serious Cosplayers in professional Thor and Captain America- and laughed at the sillier ones such as 'Iron Man' who was dressed in a giant iron- like the appliance. Or at the man in a skin tight Black Widow outfit. Finally they came to the Loki's.

There were the lamer, half assed attempts with fake wigs and cardboard armor. Then there was girls in sexy battle gear and horned helmets wielding spears. What made Loki stop laughing and pay attention was the ones of him in his Jötun form. Of course none truly resembled the real thing, but the fact that they had blue skin and blood red eyes…frightened him in a way. Because they were so close.

"Norse mythology always said you were of Jötun descent-" Darcy explained, clicking out of the web page. "Most people kind of ran with it. I'm sorry; I didn't know we'd gone that far into the pictures."

Loki shook his head to clear his mind. Darcy truly hated seeing him like this. She loved it best when he laughed- Loki's laugh was adorable. Like a deep 'Eheheheheh' sound. So, in an attempt to make him at least crack a shit eating grin, Darcy did what any interweber would do. She went to YouTube.

"This," she said, typing quickly. "Is called a parody." She hit enter, Loki saw the words One Direction Parody appear. Clicking on the first box, the screen lit up to show a beach scene. Five men dressed as boys jumped around for a while, and then it showed only one who began to sing in a deep, off-key voice.

"_**Look at my face, so sweet and pure. They let me sing even though I have a stu-u-ter." **_The scene changed to show all of them again._**"We're hanging tough, we punch the air. 'Cause like the honey badger we don't f-**__**BEEP**__**!-ing ca-a-are." **_

As the video continued, Loki found his smirk getting wider; eventually he was chuckling, hardly aware of Darcy smiling at him.

"_**This is the part where we Na na na na. Every good song needs a na na na na. You'll wake up at night screaming NA NA NA NA. My grandmother's nickname is Nana.**_" At this point Loki and Darcy were laughing like lunatics. Having done his research, he understood a great deal of the references made. _**"I WILL BE IN MUSICLES!"**_the song finished.

"Eheheh. Ha…" Loki sighed, pressing his lips to Darcy's forehead. "Thank you."

"It's what I do." Darcy shrugged. "Loki, can I ask you something?"

"Certainly." He moved a bit of hair from her face.

Darcy took a deep breath. "You like me, right? As in, more than friends?"

"Am I not courting you?" Loki asked, a bit surprised.

Darcy held back a laugh. "Yeah I guess we're dating. It's just…You haven't kissed me. Ever. Other than that little thing right there. I mean hell; most guys would try and get in my pants by n-"

Loki pressed his lips to hers to silence her. Darcy melted into him, pressing herself into his body and wrapped her arms around his waist. Loki eased her back onto the couch they were sitting on and kneeled over top of her. Darcy ran her fingers up his back, beneath his dress shirt, through his hair. In turn Loki had one hand supporting her neck and the other rubbing her outer thigh. When he did finally pull away he gazed lovingly down at Darcy, who's eyes kept darting back from his own to his lips.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." Loki muttered, kissing her again.

"Mm, tell me about it."

**NaNanaNaNanaNaNanaNa**

**Nananananananana Moves Like Batman**

Months later, in December, Christmas approached. Loki and Thor were explained the holiday and Thor was all for it. Somehow it was decided that the Avengers- should they have no plans- would dine together and have their own little Christmas party.

Darcy was determined to get something to everyone. But with her apartment rent to pay, there was no way she could afford much. She already had Loki's gift taken care of- that was where most of her cash had gone. It didn't help she had little to no idea what to give anyone else.

But there was always the idea that had been nagging at the back of her head. And she put it into action when the Avengers were out on a mission and Jane was visiting her family early- that way she could be in New York for the party. Darcy's pen flew across the lined paper in front of her, occasionally scratching out lines that she didn't like. By nightfall she'd finished writing, and then it was time to call in her friends. Darcy picked up her cell phone and dialed the number.

"Hey, Angie? It's Darcy. I'm great- but listen, I need a favor. Are you still doing videos with Chad? Well I've got a project I'm going to need help with…"

**NaNanaNaNanaNaNanaNa**

**Nananananananana Moves Like Batman**

The main room in the Avengers tower was completely decked out- wreathes, holly, mistletoe hanging from every doorway, punchbowls filled to the brim with spiked eggnog- and a tree that definitely should not have been able to fit in there. Darcy arrived with Jane, who wore a deep green colored dress that stopped at her knees with a slit up the thigh. Silver stilettos were strapped to her feet and her hair was loosely curled, pinned in it was a sprig of holly. Darcy had opted for a red dress that showed a generous amount of cleavage. Her hair was down but tamed, her lips were dark red and she wore black strappy heels. The two had decided to don Christmas colors and it looked planned as they were coming at the same time.

Upon entering the room Darcy was unable to greet anybody as she was swept into Loki's arms. "You are stunning." He breathed. "There's just one thing, Jane. My brother would have a fit should you enter wearing my colors." With a wave of Loki's hand, Jane's dress was transformed into a lovely ruby color, and Darcy saw hers was the same green as Loki's eyes. His black hair was slicked back, the sleeves on his green dress shirt were rolled up and the glint in his eyes made Darcy's heart hammer.

"How come you look so damn sexy all the time?" she asked.

Loki kissed her lightly. "To match you, my dear. I don't think I should let you in there though."

"And why's that?"

"As lovely as you look in this dress," Loki fingered the strap. "I think you'd look better with it _off._" The box Darcy had been carrying moved suddenly and she blushed.

"Down boy. Now come on, or your present is going home."

Loki pouted a bit, but followed Darcy into the main room. She placed the gold and green wrapped box under the tree- it was the box that her mother's ski helmet had come in, so it was fairly large. Nobody asked why there were holes in the sides. On top of that was another gift the size of a CD case. It was wrapped in black paper with red, yellow, green, blue, white, and purple curly ribbon.

Hours later, after dinner and lots of drinking (not to mention Thor mashing potatoes with Mjolnir) it was time for gifts to be passed around. It was mostly couples- Tony and Pepper, Clint and Natasha, Thor and Jane; even Fury got a new gun from Steve. Loki got a small parcel from under the tree wrapped in (surprise, surprise) green and handed it to Darcy.

Inside was a gold chain with a pendant in the form of a snake eating its own tail. Two green gems glistened as eyes and the serpent had every possible detail put into it- from the scales to fangs. The metal was cold against Darcy's skin as she put it on. "Loki this is incredible- thank you." She smiled.

"Putting your symbol on her already, eh brother?" Thor jeered from across the room.

"I'll pretend I don't see the hammer on Lady Jane's wrist." Loki called back, smirking. Those two were such…brothers sometimes.

"My turn." Darcy retrieved the large box from the tree and gave it to Loki. "Whatever you do, don't shake it." She said.

Loki removed the ribbon and lid and his eyes widened as he pulled out a pitch black kitten. She mewled at him, blinking in the new bright light.

"I saw her and thought of you- blame it on the eyes." Darcy shrugged and Bruce started laughing. Something about Loki and a bag of cats…? "Anyway, ones green like yours, but the other's blue like, well, you know."

The mismatched eyed kitten pawed at Loki's hands and he smiled- not smirked, but smiled. "Thank you, she is lovely."

"Awe, fluffy moment!" Tony declared. Darcy suddenly remembered her other gift.

"Wait a sec! Tony, DVD player- stat!" she yelled, tearing the paper off of her smaller gift. Tony pointed to the device and Darcy put a disk in. "My buddies and I made this up for all of you guys. Come on, gather round everybody. Someone get the lights!"

The lights were dimmed and all the Avengers gathered around the big screen TV as the show started.

Various clips of a man dressed as Captain America, Iron Man, the Hulk and Thor played as well as a woman dressed as Black Widow. 'Thor' came on screen and began singing.

"_**I'm mighty Thor, and this is war. You see my hammer better run for the do-o-or."**_Thor frowned as everybody else (including Jane) laughed.

Iron Man appeared next.

"_**A heart of steel, with sex appeal. I guess the super secret boy band is re-e-eal."**_

Tony could find the humor in the rendition of him.

'Black Widow' was next, along with a faceless man in a suit bopping his knees in time with the beat.

"_**Master assassin but with some fashion. Bashing in heads for you-ou."**_

All together the 'Avengers' danced in sync.

'_**Yeah we can light up the sky like nobody else. We're stopping all the bad guys, they're just overwhelmed. You say that you have an army, we have a Hulk. Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Avengers, Assemble!**_

"_**We are the ultimate fighting team brought together by S.H.I.E.L.D leader Nick Fury-"**_a black guy with an eye patch danced around onscreen. Followed by 'Thor' and 'Black Widow' standing next to each other, with a man in a green suit and gold horned helmet on a computer screen next to them.

_Is that me? _Loki thought.

"_**-Let's kick the crap out of Thor's brother Lo-ki-"**_

_Yes that's me._

"_**Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Avengers Assemble!"**_

"_**Let's go-o-o**__." _Widow sang.

"_**Avengers Assemble!"**_

Out popped 'Captain America', tossing around a Frisbee-like shield.

"_**Super soldier! I'll be your shield. And I can kick all kinds of ass on the battle field!"**_

He was followed by the 'Hulk' (who was really just the same guy, but colored green. He had by far the best moves out of all of them.

"_**So what I'm green, with cut off jeans? You. Wouldn't. Like. Me. When I'm AN-GRY!"**_

Again, Widow appeared looking sexy. This time she ran up to the Hulk holding a Shrek doll. _**"Master assassin but with some fashion. Bashing in heads for you-ou."**_

During the chorus' repeat, there were more dancing Avengers scenes, but also Widow shooting an attacker and Thor giving Loki a noogie. Also Thor hitting widow's ass with his hammer.

'_**Yeah we can light up the sky like nobody else. We're stopping all the bad guys, they're just overwhelmed. You say that you have an army, we have a Hulk. Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Avengers, Assemble!**_

"_**We are the ultimate fighting team brought together by S.H.I.E.L.D leader Nick Fury-"**_again 'Fury' was dancing on his own_**. "Let's kick the crap out of Thor's brother Lo-ki-"**_ Thor stood behind Loki and hit him over the head with his hammer. Which was followed by a scene where Hawkeye shot the poor god with an arrow to the knee.

"_**Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Avengers Assemble!"**_

"_**Let's go-o-o."**_Widow sang.

"_**Avengers Assemble!**_

"_**Na nana na nana na nana na. Nananananananana mo-o-oves like Batman."**_Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman showed up onscreen, which made the 'Avengers' scoff.

"_**Baby I once jumped real far on my motorbike."**_Captain sang to Widow.

"_**I am the God of Thunder- I said God that's right**__." _Thor boasted.

"_**I slept with twelve PlayBoy Bunnies, in one night."**_Iron Man kissed her hand.

"_**Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Avengers Assemble!**_

"_**Yeah we can light up the sky like nobody else. We're stopping all the bad guys, they're just overwhelmed. You say that you have an army, we have a Hulk. Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Avengers, Assemble!**_

"_**We are the ultimate fighting team brought together by S.H.I.E.L.D leader Nick Fury. Let's kick the crap out of Thor's brother Lo-ki-"**_This time the poor bastard was hit over the head with a chair. _**"Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Avengers Assemble!"**_

"_**Let's go-o-oh."**_

"_**Avengers Assemble!"**_

"_**Let's go-o-oh."**_

"_**Avengers Assemble!"**_there was a group shot before the credits started to roll.

Laughter and applauses filled the room. Loki had his arm around Darcy and held her close. "It's not over yet folks!" she said.

"How the Hell did you do this kiddo?" Tony asked.

"My friend Angie makes video's with this guy Chad- they've done a couple of parodies already. They mentioned their Batman one here- Moves like Batman instead of Moves like Jagger? Anyway, I wrote up the song and got them to put it together. Now shut up and watch."

The guy that played Fury came onscreen_. __**"There's room for one more on the Avengers."**_ He said. _**"So tell me, do you want to join our boy band?!" **_

Chad- who was dressed as Wolverine this time, appeared. _**"You're damn right."**_ He growled before singing: **"**_**'Cause Avengers Assemble! X-Men too! And Wolverine-"**_ one of his 'claws' flew off his fingers**. **_**"Woah!"**_

"And that's all she wrote folks." Darcy smirked.

There was a bit more laughter and the rest of the night continued. Eventually Darcy was yawning and more than a little tipsy. "I shall escort you home." Loki whispered in her ear.

"Mm'kay." She giggled and took his offered hand, almost falling over.

"Brother!" Thor called- quite hammered (no pun intended) "You must tap dat ass! Did I say that right?" he questioned Tony.

"You said it perfectly Thor." The billionaire laughed.

"Yeah, get some Loki!" Darcy laughed. "Seriously, come and get some."

Loki shook his head and he and Darcy evaporated into the shadows. They re-appeared in her apartment where he treated her as a doll- removing her shoes, unzipping her dress and laying it on a chair.

"At least start stripping too." Darcy complained, unbuttoning Loki's shirt.

"I'm afraid my dear we can't." He smiled softly. "Not in your condition."

Darcy snorted, but allowed him to dress her in her comfy sweats and tank top, placing her glasses on her nightstand. "At least spend the night." She pouted. "I want my cuddle buddy."

Loki sighed lightly and with a wave of his hand he wore his own sweat pants (but that was all- he may as well spend the night with his Lady) and climbed into bed after her.

"If you could do that, how come you didn't to me?" Darcy asked, yawning.

"Then I wouldn't get the pleasure of undressing you." He smirked. "Goodnight, my fair lady."

But Darcy was already snoring.

**Bravo! Bravo! Go check out the Avengers Assemble music video created by screenteamshow on YouTube (I was not paid to write this- just inspired by the song) I tried to describe what happens, but watch it to get a better idea. **

**Also search the One Direction parody that I mentioned.**

**Thank you so much for reading- this was only meant to be a quick DarcyxLoki fluffy fic- somehow I got over 4, 000 words out of it :S**

**I kinda wanna be in the Super Secret Boy Band now… ;D Leave a review- I love them. PM me for any issues or requests. **

**Lots of Love! –Zelda2h2**


	2. Go the Distance

**Disclaimer: Avengers belongs to Marvel.**

**Go the Distance by Michael Bolton belongs to him and Disney.**

**I do however own the story below and the computer I'm writing it on ^.^**

**Go the Distance**

_It was a dream Loki had often. He was returning to Asgard after a glorious battle- one he himself had led to victory. He rode his horse across the Bifrost Bridge and returned to his palace home. Awaiting him were crowds of people, all cheering for him. The shouts and applauses were deafening as he dismounted and climbed the steps to stand before the entrance to the golden hall to see Odin. _

_The Allfather stood upon Loki's entrance, Frigga also. Thor approached slightly behind Loki, with the Warriors Three and Sif flanking him. All bowed and Odin silenced the court, whom had been giving their shares of cheers. _

"_Rise, worthy sons of Asgard."__ Odin said. As he stood, Frigga went and hugged Loki close. _

"_Thank you,"__ she whispered in a tone so low only he could possibly hear__. "For getting yourself and your brother home safe." _

"_Loki Odinson,"__ Odin stood before the younger prince. __"You have done your realm, your people and your parents proud. Well done my son." __The affectionate glint in Odin's one eye, the small smile that played on his lips, the strong hand that clasped Loki's shoulder. All were pieces of the thing he had wanted most in his life. All indicators that he was dreaming. _

With a gasp Loki sat up abruptly. There was a muffled 'oof' and a word of protest from the woman whom had previously been lying on his chest.

Darcy clicked on the light and rubbed sleep from her eyes. "Are we being robbed?" she asked with a small yawn. Placing her glasses on her face she read the clock. "Dude, its 2:09 in the morning. What's wrong? Loki?"

The demigod sat up in bed, Darcy saw the glisten of sweat on his torso. His face was buried in his hands- a sign of mass frustration. "…Dream…" he muttered.

"Awe honey." Darcy crawled over to sit in front of her boyfriend and moved a strand of hair from his face. His long features were scrunched up and he looked as if he was biting his cheek. "It's nothing to worry about. Only a dream- a phantasm of the mind caused by some psychology shit my dorm mate studied."

Loki let out a long sigh. That was the issue: it was only a dream.

Darcy analyzed him for a moment and then stood up, making a mad dash out the door. There was the sound of the fridge opening and slamming shut, the sound of drawers opening and the shuffling of silverware. This was followed by the sound of more running around and then Darcy returned, panting and wielding a carton of Mint Chip ice cream and a rectangular box. She placed the box in the 'television set' and it started to glow blue.

"When I was a kid, I'd have these really awesome dreams." Darcy said, pulling a blanket around her and Loki and opening the ice cream, handing him a spoon. "And when I'd wake up, I'd start crying because I wanted it to be real. Now I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but that's what you seemed to be going through. So now we do what I did; ice cream and a Disney movie."

The movie she'd chosen was Hercules, one of Darcy's favorites. She also thought Loki might enjoy seeing a different kind of mythology. But of course, being it two o'clock in the morning, Darcy soon fell asleep. But Loki was engrossed in the film, eating spoon after spoon of Mint Chip. The main character, Hercules, had just destroyed a town by accident and was singing (something Loki didn't understand, but enjoyed anyway)

"_**I have often dreamed of a far off place where a great warm welcome will be waiting for me. And the crowds will cheer when they see my face. But a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be.**_

"_**I will find my way, I can go the distance. I will face the world. Fearless, proud and strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. When I go the distance I'll be right where I…belong…"**_

This proved it; there was at least someone that knew how Loki felt. Whoever had imagined this character had an idea of what he was going through. Was it so wrong to want the love and approval of your father? Without meaning to, Loki drifted off to sleep also, the empty ice cream container falling to the ground.

_The dream continued where it had left off; Odin gazing at Loki with approval, Thor with admiration and Frigga with love. _

"_My son,"__ Odin said. __"You have more than proven yourself. You may come home to our hall, and never have to return to the realm of Midgard."_

_Loki was reluctant to accept. There was something missing…His family looked at him encouragingly, but there was a sound Loki couldn't quite place. The sound of quiet…sobbing perhaps. _

_All at once the golden hall of Asgard was gone and Loki was in a dark corridor. At the end there was a light where the sound was coming from. Getting closer, Loki saw Darcy sobbing into a pillow. Her glasses were on the ground and her eyes puffy and red. _

"_H-How could you?"__ she asked. __"Why di-did you l-l-leave me? He didn't even say goodbye…"__ A new round of tears came. What was going on? What made his lady cry so broken heartedly? More importantly whom? He would surely murder the bastard. __"Loki please come back. At least say goodbye. You never said goodbye…"_

_It was him._

This time it was Darcy that had awoken in a panic. Her dream had been so real- Loki had left her. She saw that the credits of the movie were rolling and Loki was starting to stir next to her.

"Darcy?" he yawned. "What is wrong darling?"

Michael Bolton's voice filled the room as Darcy tried not to cry out in relief. Taking her silence in panic, Loki immediately kneeled over top of her, checking for any signs of physical damage.

"_**I have often dreamed of a far off place. Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me. Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face. And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be. **_

"_**I'll be there some day. I can go the distance. I will find my way if I can be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. When I go the distance I'll be right where I belong."**_

"I-I'm fine." Darcy said. "Really. Just a really crap dream. Seems to be our night, huh?"

Loki held her face in his hands, searching for any traces of a lie. Darcy's hands shook and in her eyes was fear. "Tell me what happened." He whispered, caressing her gently.

"_**Down an unknown road to embrace my fate. Though the road may wander, it will lead me to you. And a thousand years would be worth the wait. It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through."**_

"It's nothing. I don't want to sound clingy." She dismissed.

"_**And I won't look back. I can go the distance. And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat. It's an uphill slope, but I won't loose hope. Till I go the distance and my journey is complete."**_

Loki laid back down but cradled Darcy in his arms. "I dreamed I was a hero, being accepted back into Asgard." He told her softly. "Gaining the approval of Odin, it was always a dream of mine. A dream I fought for but never would achieve. Whenever I wake I know that I will never be a true hero."

"_**But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. For a hero's strength is measured by his heart!"**_

Darcy smiled and shook her head. "They should call you the God of Idiots. Loki, you are a hero."

"Name one time I did anything for the benefit of human kind." He snarled.

"Um, last week? Those creepy fire things were attacking, shooting flames in the city that almost melted Steve's shield. You froze the bastards with your epic ice powers, hell you even saved my life!"

"_**Like a shooting star, I will go the distance."**_

"You were taken captive, was I supposed to just loose you like that?"

"_**I will search the world; I will face its harms."**_

"That's my point! You are heroic."

"_**I don't care how far, I can go the distance."**_

"One deed does not cancel out all I have done in the past. If you knew-"

"_**Till I find my hero's welcome waiting in your arms."**_

Darcy pressed her lips to Loki's. "I'd still care for you the way that I do. I promise. Besides, who cares if Midgard or Asgard doesn't call you a hero?"

"_**I will search the world…I will face its harms…"**_

"As long as I do."

"_**Till I find my hero's welcome waiting in…your arms…"**_

**Sniff…wasn't that sweet? Gotta love fluff. Anyway, please review- also a reminder; these fics do not happen in any specific time or order. I just hear songs, think up inspiration and BOOM! Songfic. :3 **


	3. You Jelly, Bro?

**You Jelly Bro?**

Loki ground his teeth together as he watched Darcy interact with the Metal Man, Tony Stark. It was sickening, a man at least ten years or more her age attempting to bed her. His intentions were obvious to the god- but who wouldn't want to? Even as a mere, lowly mortal the woman was…enticing.

"As much as you may try, you cannot burn holes into people with a mere glare." Thor said quite softly considering his personality. He took a seat next to his younger brother, watching Stark and Lady Darcy. Thor may not have been intelligent compared to Loki, but he could see that- even though it had been a mere handful of weeks the two had known each other- the Lie Smith cared deeply for the Midgardian lady.

"What ails thee, brother?" the blond asked, taking a gulp of 'coffee'.

"Why would you think there was something, Odinson?" Loki growled.

"I had thought you perhaps would enjoy the company of Stark." Thor shrugged. "Yet you seem vexed by the mere sight of him."

Darcy was reading aloud from a notebook, making Tony laugh. He crept up behind her and tried stealing the book from her hands. Upon succeeding his task, Tony read aloud also, most likely paraphrasing. Gods why couldn't Loki _hear_ what he was saying! Or could at least read the man's lips. Whatever he said made the young woman blush furiously and attempt to steal the book back.

"Brother…"

They were far too close- it was simply inappropriate for the workplace.

"Loki…"

Darcy began to take her leave, gathering her things in the satchel she carried. Right before letting her leave, Stark gave her a good slap on the rear. Loki's vision clouded over with red and his hands shook with barely controlled rage-

_BOOM!_

Loki felt a sharp pain in his head and rear as his chair collapsed beneath him. Thor had- had actually hit him over the head with Mjolnir!

"The power of godly thunder at your disposal, and you _hit me with a hammer?_" Loki hissed, using a healing spell to remedy the headache that would follow the blow. There would be a bump that he could heal later. He fixed the steel chair next and glared at Thor. "You have my attention." He said coldly.

"Holy Hammer Heads Batman!" Darcy exclaimed, running into the room. "What the Hell happened?"

"Thor thought it be a good idea to hit me over the head with his Norns-be-damned hammer." Loki grumbled. He wasn't angry at Darcy- he doubted he ever could be. It wasn't her fault she attracted the attention of men. Hel- she'd attracted his.

"Oh you poor thing!" Darcy ran to Loki and stood on the chair he'd just fixed to check his head. "Thor- what did Jane say about the hammer?"

Thor suddenly found great interest in examining the floor. "Not in the base." He grumbled.

"Ooh this is gonna be hellishly narsty." Darcy muttered, feeling the top of Loki's head. "Come on, let's get you some ice. No joke intended."

She led him to the kitchen where Tony was talking with J.A.R.V.I.S. "Kay, thanks Jarv." He said when the other two entered the room.

Darcy promptly sat Loki down at one of the bar stools and went to the freezer. Taking out an ice pack and wrapping it in a towel she returned to him and pressed it lightly to where she had felt the swelling start.

"What happened frosty?" Tony joked. "Too big for a doorway?" Jokes about his parentage were not unheard of by Loki. But that doesn't mean they didn't piss him the Hel off anyway.

To his surprise it was Darcy that snapped at the Iron Man. "Piss off Tony." She said. "Go find Pepper- she mentioned feeling lonely." Tony smirked and winked at her.

"I think I will. See you around Popsicle."

"Don't listen to him." Darcy sighed. "How's your head?"

"You are aware I could have simply healed myself, correct?" Loki asked a bit coldly.

But Darcy wasn't paying attention to his words- only at the blue that was slowly creeping onto Loki's face, coming from the direction of the ice. "Um, please don't take this the wrong way but…You're turning into a Smurf."

"Pardon me?" Loki raised a dark eyebrow before he realized the ice was cold enough to start changing his skin. He immediately threw the ice in the sink and went back to his normal, pale skin color.

"So…is that part of the…Frost Giant…thing?" Darcy asked.

With a sigh, Loki nodded.

"Dude."

_This is the part where she screams and runs away from the monster._

"Can I see?"

Loki looked at her as if she'd asked him to ride Fenrir to Valhalla naked.

"Why not?" Darcy pouted.

"I do not wish to frighten you." Loki said simply, implying the end of the discussion.

"Dude. I have watched the Doctor Who episode 'Blink' and then gone to a statue garden without pissing myself. I have seen almost every cool thriller, slasher and horror flick known to man. I've seen _Thor_ in a hospital gown! If that isn't terrifying I don't know what is. Whatever you look like- be you Smurf or Avatar- I won't be scared."

Loki sighed. "Why not ask Stark? I'm sure he'd be delighted to tell you of my monstrosity."

"Eh, Tony's getting on my nerves today." Darcy shrugged. "If you don't want me to see I won't pressure you. Just know that I won't get scared- cross my heart and hope to die." She then traced an X over her heart with her finger. When Loki remained silent Darcy gave him a reassuring smirk. "Whatever bro- I'm off to work- blech. See you around Loki."

Darcy turned to leave, only to turn a full 180˚ and pick up the notebook Stark had taken from her before. "Don't wanna leave this here." She blushed a bit. "Bye."

Later that night Loki found himself knocking on Darcy's door. From inside he could hear her music playing- a slow song singing about how so it goes, so it goes, and 'you're' the only one who knows. "Who is it?" he heard her call.

"Loki." He answered. Norns this was a stupid idea.

"Oh! One sec!" there was the sound of a book slamming shut and the rustling of bed sheets. Finally Darcy scrambled to the door and opened it- her hair in a messy pony tail and wearing her undergarments and an oversized t-shirt that proclaimed 'Come to the Dark Side- We Have Cookies' "What's up Loki?" she panted slightly.

"Could we please speak?" Loki shifted uncomfortably.

"Um…sure…Come on in."

Darcy's room was a mess- with texts stacked in odd places, clothes strewn about on the bed and her desk chair, her computer was turned on and that was where the music was coming from.

Darcy attempted to discreetly hide her notebook beneath her pillow. The damned notebook- it had been pestering him all day. What did it hold that would be of Stark's interest? A thought struck Loki and he smirked.

"I'd like to make you a deal."

"Ha!" Darcy laughed. "No offense dude, but that does not sound like a good idea."

"You have not even heard what I wish to offer you." Loki frowned.

"No, but I've seen Labyrinth." She smirked.

"I do not see how a maze can possibly affect your decision."

Darcy shook her head. "It's a movie about a girl that wishes away her baby brother to a king that in exchange offers her her dreams. But she can never see her brother again."

"I do not see how this is a bad thing."

Darcy couldn't help but laugh. "No, I don't suppose you would. Okay, what's your offer?"

"I show you my Jötun form…if you show me what you showed Stark in that notebook this morning." Loki gestured towards the pillow 'hiding' the book.

The look that Darcy made was that of a gaping fish, followed by a snort and a nervous laugh. "Sorry buddy, no dice."

"Really? So you mean to tell me that you have no desire to see me like that?"

"Well sure, but if you're not comfortable with showing me of your own accord then it's not worth it. I mean, what's the point if it makes you uncomfortable right?"

This mortal woman…" Okay, new deal." Loki proposed. "And just so you know, I came here with the notion that I was showing you either way. I just want something out of it." He smirked and then got serious. "You answer a question, fair enough? You do not have to do anything and you…don't have to answer if you are not…comfortable."

_Aw, he's trying to be nice and fair…that's so freaking adorable!_ "Okay Loki, you've got yourself a deal. Now Smurf Powers- GO!"

With a roll of his eyes Loki let the cold wash over him. It began spreading throughout his body from his chest, blooming like a flower. The palor of his skin was replaced with a beautiful blue, Darcy thought. Like the lake her parents took her to when she was a kid. You could always tell when the water was cold- it was a blue like that.

The lines on Loki's face were symmetrical, and flowed down his body. She noticed the god had his eyes closed- Darcy hoped in concentration as she began slowly unbuttoning his shirt. She wondered if the lines went all the way down…

She let in a sharp breath: on Loki's chest and torso was a labyrinth of scar-like marks- all traveling towards a circle the size of her fist over his heart.

"Please think no less of me." Loki still had his eyes shut and was standing in Darcy's bedroom like a puppet with no strings.

A thousand sentences ran through Darcy's mind- but not the ones Loki was thinking of. He assumed she was in shock, or had slipped away out of fear. But years of monster movies had…well not prepared her for this moment, but in her mind he was Nightcrawler without a tail.

Darcy stood taking in the beautiful body of the god- and not just the skin. It was the way a single strand of ebony hair fell into his face, the dark eyebrows that furrowed in what could be concentration or nervousness. It was the dip of his collar bone, the panes of his chest that didn't bulge, but were still defined. There was the way his pants hung a little lower on his hips… Darcy looked around her room and found the stool she used for getting books of one of the higher shelves in there.

Setting it in front of Loki, she climbed up so that she could better reach his face. Cupping it in her hands, Darcy smiled. "I. Am not. Afraid." She said firmly.

Loki opened his eyes in disbelief- damn, he'd been hoping she wouldn't see those. Now for certain she'd be frightened-

"Hey, your eyes are like Christmas!" Darcy giggled. "I have no idea what you were worried about though. I mean you look like a cross between Hellboy and Nightcrawl- ouch!" Pulling her hands away quickly she saw that they were somehow burned.

Instantly Loki shed his Jötun form and had Darcy sitting on her bed. "My sincerest apologies." He kneeled in front of her and nursed her injury. "Frostbite. I should have told you not to touch me. I am so incredibly sorry. I'm such a fool." He muttered to himself.

"No no, don't worry. I've suffered worse." Darcy snorted. "Well, that was incredibly cool. So what's your question?"

Loki fought against the light- he refused to call it a blush- creeped up on him. "I've injured you. You no longer have to answer."

"Loki, just ask, okay?" Darcy smirked. "'Sides, you're doing a pretty good job of fixing me. Now I owe you big."

It was true, the injured skin on Darcy's hands was beginning to close and heal. There wouldn't even be a mark.

"Alright. I meant to ask…" Loki took a breath. This wasn't going as he'd hoped. "What is it you see in Stark?"

There was a dreadful moment of silence before Darcy snorted and fell into gut-wrenching laughter.

"I fail to see any humor in this." Loki glared.

She gasped a few times but ended up cracking up again.

"If all you're going to do is laugh at me-"

"No! Nonono!" Darcy breathed in once and closed her eyes, a smile still played on her lips. "I'm not laughing at you, well I guess I am I don't know. Anyway, why do you ask?"

"Well I…wished to inform you of his intentions. He seems to…desire you and I don't think it to be appropriate." Loki came up with a lie fast. It was more of a twisting of words than anything.

Darcy's blue eyes sparkled with laughter. "Thanks Loki, but Tony desires anything that wears a skirt. But I appreciate you looking out for me."

"Then what were the two of you discussing earlier?" he blurted.

_Earlier that day…_

"_Come on Darce! It can't be that terrible!" Tony encouraged. _

"_Okay but just remember, I'm a poly-sci major for a reason…" Darcy began to read aloud the report she was doing on one of Tony's machines. Pacing around the room, she fought not to stumble around words- she was taking a tech class Friday nights and wanted to be ready. _

_Suddenly the notebook was taken out of her hands by a laughing smart ass. "Tony! Give it back!" Darcy laughed. _

" '_Dearest Diary- I had coffee with _him_ again today!' " Tony pretended to read. " 'Is it the dark hair? The Doctor Who accent? The smoldering eyes? What is it that has me falling for him?' " _

_Darcy grabbed her notebook and laughed off Tony's teasing. Of course he knew she was crushing hard on the god- but he was lighthearted about it. Darcy left the room and tried to calm her raging blush- Tony didn't know how right he had it. But she wouldn't write something like that in her work notebook…that was for her diary under her pillow. _

_Suddenly there was a loud __**BANG **__and Darcy ran to investigate…_

"Oh, you know," she shrugged. "Work stuff. Why? You jelly bro?"

Loki tried to think of what she meant- remembering one photo he'd been shown by her of a…LOLcat stating the same thing. "I'm not jealous. Why in all the nine realms would I be jealous? There's nothing to be jealous of!"

Darcy looked down; Loki took this moment to examine her book collection. There was an entire shelf dedicated to thick spiral bound notebooks. "So you wouldn't care if Tony and I shacked up?"

Loki internally flinched. "No."

"…I see…" Darcy muttered. "I'm gonna…get some sleep." He heard the bed groan as she stood and a click or two while she turned off the music. "'Night Loki."

"Goodnight."

Darcy closed the door behind him and didn't look back when he heard her slump against the door, or sniff to stop her tears.

Loki faded into nothing and re-appeared in his room, feeling a pricking in his eyes and a hole in his heart.

**The End**


	4. I'll Make a (Wo)Man Out of You

**Yay! We've been magically transported to another universe! One where our beloved Darcy is a lovely AEsir! Inspiration from this came from Mulan's I'll Make a Man Out of You (Shang is just sooo yummy! And Also the first Disney Character I noticed had nipples…O.O)**

**I don't know, I was watching the movie and this idea popped into my head that Asgard was going to war with Alfheim; Thor, Loki, the Warriors and Sif are in charge of training their own squadrants. Figures Loki gets the shitty band of mischief…**

**Mulan's I'll Make a Man Out of You belongs to Disney**

**(as do Shangs nipples )-: )**

**All cannon Thor or Avengers characters belong to Marvel**

**And as usual the story itself is mine. **

**WARNING! Contains a sexy Brit singing in the voice of Donny Osmond. **

**I'll Make a (wo)Man Out of You**

Darcy looked over the training field before her: it was a small sea of tents, wide fields for sparring, several posts that were at least fifty feet high were scattered around, their purpose unknown. The only color amongst the sea of white tents was a much larger green version. Prince Loki's tent.

Darcy Eriksdottir paced from her spot hidden on a hill.

"Well," Darcy murmured to herself. "I suppose it's too late to back out now."

"_Damn right." _a voice said from behind her.

Pulling out her sword (albeit sloppily) Darcy turned to face her attacker. But instead she only saw a spider on its web.

"Who speaks." She said in a lower voice.

"Ugh, lemme make this easier." The spider shuddered and then grew into a beautiful woman in a skintight black fighting suit. She flipped her chin length red hair out of her face and gave Darcy an analytical look. "I am Natasha; sent to be your gardian."

Darcy raised her brow. "Sent by whom?"

"There are great powers out there." Natasha smirked. "You should know that, Lady Eriksdot-MMPFT."

Darcy clamped her hand over Natasha's mouth and hushed her. "By the Norns must you speak so loudly?!"

Removing her hand, Darcy sighed. "Well, mother did always say to never look a gift horse in the mouth. Very well, I thank you for your companionship Guardian. But I fear your being here is in vain."

"Don't tell me you don't know how to disguise yourself?" Natasha shook her head.

"I do, I just…" Darcy blushed. "I'm not practiced very well."

"So then practice now! Only get it right the first time."

Darcy scoffed but concentrated. She felt a familiar and welcome hum of magic flow through her; making her long brown curls short to her shoulders. Her face stayed the same shape, but her eyebrows were thicker and her lips not as plump. Her breats deflated as her shoulders broadened. For the first time since she'd put on her father's old armor- it actually fit.

"You, are one handsome sir." Natasha nodded approvingly. "Now let's get down there and sign you in."

Loki sighed as he looked over the new recruits from his tent. "Father, what am I expected to do with this band of misfits?" He asked.

"Teach them." Odin replied, signing the last of the pages before him. "It is your duty as Prince and Captain to teach a new gengeration of warriors in a time of peril."

The king of the gods turned to Loki. "You will know what to do. Good luck, my son."

Loki nodded and rolled his eyes internally. He removed his healm as he followed Odin out the tent flaps. The soldiers stood conversing with one another; the noise was quite unbearable.

"Once more," Odin chuckled. "Good luck my son."

After his father had left, Loki narrowed his eyes. He used his magic to transport his helm and heavy armor into his tent while they were replaced with light doeskin boots and pants. It was going to be a long day in the hot sun.

"Soldiers!" Loki roared. Everyone froze to stare at him- but anyone that met his cold gaze immediately dropped theirs. "You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning." He walked to a table with weapons laid out on them and nodded at Clint, the man who had been assigned to oversee Loki's squadron. "Anyone who acts otherwise…" once more the cold gaze swept over the crowd.

One pair of eyes didn't seem intimidated by his: they were icy blue, but the gaze was warm.

"…will answer to me."

"Ooh, tough guy."Tony muttered under his breath.

When Darcy had entered the campgrounds she was met by three very different men.

Tony Starksson- sarcastic and short tempered he was easy to get along with but didn't know when to shut up.

Steve Rogersson- small, thin and frail looking. He was nice enough but looked like a strong gust of wind could blow him over.

Bruce Bannersson- quiet, secluded, calm. He didn't ask many questions nor did he give many answers.

"Starksson." Loki aimed a throwing knife at him. All of the other troops who had lined up took a step back. But Loki instead threw it at one of the tall posts. It hit it's mark- right at about fourty nine feet off the ground.

"Thank you for volunteering." The god smirked. "Retrieve my knife."

"I'll get that knife, Reindeer Games…" Tony muttered. "And I'll do it with my shirt on."

Tony stood at the base of the post and got ready to climb it.

"Hold on." Loki spoke and stood next to Tony, along with Clint who was carrying something heavy.

Loki pulled out a life sized stone replica of Thor's Hammer, Mjiolnir. "This, represents power." He tied the strap to Tony's wrist. "And this," he pulled out a metal ring that was maybe a milimeter more in diameter of the hammer's handle. "Represents unity." He tied it to Tony's other wrist. "You need both to retrieve the knife. Three of you stay, the rest find a post of your own. Only four to a spot. Clint, if you'd please."

Clint pulled out a bow and arrow and shot them in all different directions- all hitting a post, all at the fourteen foot mark.

One after one Tony, Bruce, Steve and Darcy tried to climb the post. All failed.

"We've got a long way to go." Loki groaned and picked up four lightweight spears, tossing them at the group.

Tony caught Darcy's and used it to trip her when she wasn't looking.

Holding out his own spear, Loki began teaching the AEsir how it was used. _"Let's get down to business. To defeat the Elves." _

When it was their own turn, Tony picked up a spider he'd found scurrying on the ground and gropped it down the back collar of Darcy's shirt. She began to flail- hitting everyone around her.

Natasha poofed her spider body away to safety and shook her head.

"_Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?"_ Loki shook his head and tried to restrain the flailing man_. "You're the saddest bunch I've ever met. And you can bet before we're through-" _he received a sharp blow to the stomach with the staff end of the spear before he could grab the soldier by the shirt.

"What is your name?" Loki glared. It was the same man that hadn't flinched under his cold glare- he didn't now either.

"D-Baldur. Baldur Eriksson." The man gulped.

Loki fought to be stern, but there was something- something about those blue eyes. He was lost in them within an instant_. "Mister I'll make a man out of you."_ His tone was warning, he let go and turned his back from the soldier, trying to figure out what exactly happened to him during those moments he was lost to the blue…

Clint stood before the troops in a thick forest. He stepped onto a platform which launched three pommegranits into the air. Shooting three arrows at once, he hit them and then the targets on the tree before him.

Loki dupicated his actions and walked amongst the troops to see what they could do. As usual he was disapointed_. "Tranquil as a forest. But afire within. Once you find your center, you are sure to win." _

Baldur checked to see that no one was looking and then launched his fruit. The pommegranate froze midair long enough for him to shoot his arrow through it, but he missed the target on the tree.

Loki hummed to himself; this became interesting very quickly.

Later, the squadron stood atop a gorge. Baldur was looking frail and drained- not even Steve seemed as tired as he. But he still forced himself to undergo the exercise; with a bucket of water atop his head, Baldur had to avoid getting hit by stones that would be thrown by other squadron members by deflecting them off of a staff.

Of course, he got hit with almost every stone. Loki saw that most were thrown by Tony, Bruce and Steve. He decided to go up and demonstrate; each stone he hit was deflected back to the trio_. "You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot."_ He turned his gaze onto Baldur, who was nusring his hand which had been hit fairly hard. _"And you haven't got a clue._

"_Somehow I'll make a man out of you…"_

Steve was having his own difficulties. He had never been able to breathe properly, and all of this running was taking its toll. But he supposed it would be worse in battle so he'd best get used to it.

"_I'm never gonna catch my breath-"_

Tony was sincerely contemplating desertion. This was not his thing- he prefered weapons, armor. None of this hand to hand combat.

"_Say goodbye to those who knew me-"_

Bruce wasn't that much better off than Steve. He'd hated physical exursion since he was a kid; the sciences were more his calling. He'd wanted to be a healer as a child, but such practice among men was frowned upon in his culture.

"_Why was I a fool in school for cutting gym?"_

Darcy (under her guise as Baldur) was fighting Loki in hand to hand combat- something he was surprisingly good at. He almost knocked her out. Natasha appeared, invisible to all but Darcy, and mopped her brow.

_**This guy's got 'em scared to death.**_She thought.

_**Hope he doesn't see right through me**__._ Darcy thought to herself.

_**Something with this man makes me care about him**__._ Loki thought as he walked to his tent.

Later that night, Loki was awakened by the sound of panting and labored breath. He concealed himself in the shadows and went outside to observe. He saw the silhouette of Baldur attempting to climb the post.

It had been weeks and still no one had retrieved his knife. Yet now this man tried? Loki scoffed.

_**Be a man.**_

"_You must be swift as a coursing river."_ Darcy repeated to herself.

_**Be a man.**_

"_With all the force of a great typhoon."_

_**Be a man.**_

"_With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon."_ Loki's words struck a cord in Darcy that made her want to try so much harder. She couldn't be kicked out of the army- she just couldn't. What would her father say? Or her sister?

"Would it not be simpler just to magick the knife so that it lands in your hand?" a voice whispered in Darcy's ear. "My tent, if you'd please."

Like a dog waiting to be kicked, Darcy attempted to have some kind of dignity, but she still shuffled along to Loki's tent.

Once he'd closed the flap, she took a moment to revel in the beautiful structure. While on the outside it appeared to be the same sized tent as everyone else's (perhapse the tiniest bit larger) The insides seemed as large as Darcy's own home! The ceiling was high and in places had been enchanted so that the stars aboved showed themselves. The floors were swathed in furs and carpets which she feared to walk on in her muddy boots.

There were instruments she knew to be alchemists tools, magic books, potion making supplies- it was a sorcerors playground.

"I take it you approve?"

Baldur simply nodded his head at Loki's words. The god grinned, just as he'd hoped.

"I've looked over your attestation papers, Baldur." He stepped methodically over to his desk and retrieved a few sheets of parchment. "Your father served under Odin's flag once before, as did your mother." He read. "They were married at the beginning of the war, and you and your sibling were born amidst the chaos. Do you have a brother or a sister? It doesn't specify."

_Of course it doesn't. _Darcy thought. _When I filled it out I couldn't lie; so I bent the truth._

"Sister."

"Ah, you have the good fortune of being the only son…" Loki quieted for a bit, and seemed to have thougth he gave too much information away. "I never quite understood why women cannot join the fighting. I know of many whom have fought in glorious battles-"

"Permission to speak, sir?" Darcy couldn't help but spit out.

Loki nodded curtly, not appreciating being interrupted.

"It is possible for some women to fight- much like the Lady Sif, or the warrior Valkyries. But my mother died in a war she didn't have to fight in, and I fear if my sister had joined me she too would perish, as well as I for trying to keep her away from harm. Yes, the women should be allowed to volunteer, but should not be conscripted like the men."

Loki smirked. "Well spoke, soldier. Now why, pray tell, were you not in your quarters this evening?"

"I was trying to get the knife."

"Why? Such a hopeless task truly seems pointless."

Darcy looked at Loki as if he'd grown two heads. " 'Saying a task is hopeless is a fancy way of giving up.' "

The words stuck something within Loki- mostly because he remembered them so well. "You are dismissed to your quarters. Mornings shall proceed as usual." He snapped.

After the soldier had left, Loki fell back on his bed and stared up at the sky. He remembered that phrase. It was one he uttured a long time ago… to a girl with bright blue eyes and long brown hair…

The next day Loki was leading the group while they ran along the length of a mountain range while carrying sacks of sand on their shoulders (two on either end of a pole). While he hated the fact, brute strength was necessary in battle at times. At least to those with magic. He was still irritable- why did that blasted Baldur have to get under his skin like that?

Clint tapped his shoulder and he saw that Baldur was stuggling to keep up at the back of the procession.

Loki walked back for him, lifted his load onto his own back and then turned to return to the front of the line.

"_Time is racing towards us, till the Elves arrive. Heed my every order, and you __might__ survive."_

That night as Baldur was returning to his tent, Loki approached him. He threw Baldur's belongings at him. _**"**__You're unsuited for the rage of war. So pack up, go home, you're through. How could I make a man out of you?"_

After he'd returned to his own tent, Darcy looked up at the post with the throwing knife- it still remained untouched.

She found the box with the stone Mijolnir and steel hoop. She tied them to her wrists but of course fell. Then an idea struck her;

Untying her wrists, she put the hoop around Mijolnir's handle and then tied the straps to her wrist once more. Using that, she pulled herself up and began shimmying up the post.

_**Be a man.**_

"_You must be swift as a coursing river." _She muttered. The sun began to rise as the rest of the man came from their tents.

_**Be a man.**_

"_With all the force of a great typhoon." _They gasped at the sight before them; and Darcy earned their respect.

_**Be a man. **_

"_With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon."_

Loki stepped outside, when something shot down in front of him. His throwing knife. He looked up and Baldur sat atop the post, grinning and waving.

From that moment on, everything changed. All of the men exelled in their exercises. Everything they had failed in before- all mastered. Loki once more approached Baldur, but merely offered his tutlidge in sorcery.

It was an oddly intimate thing, and Loki began to realize that he had feelings for the man. He didn't even care if Baldur was a man! If need be, he himself could change his gender. Anything to be with him.

_**Baldur reminded him of a girl he'd once met. Asguard was celebrating Thor's birthday- and ag the age of thirteen Loki had begun to loathe it. **_

_**He decided to wander- having recently learned how to travel using shadows, he went to a small village at the outskirts of the city. **_

_**He wandered through the venders stalls when he came across a shop advertising fresh herbs and remedies. Not seeing the harm in browsing for something with magical properties, Loki entered.**_

_**Inside an army of aromas attacked his senses- it was warm and comforting; much like his workspace at home. **_

"_**May I help you?" a kind voice asked. It was a girl perhaps a year younger than he, with blonde hair tied out of her face and her dress was neat and pressed. **_

"_**No, thank you I am just b-"**_

"_**Jane- I have them!" the door burst open for a ten year old girl to come barreling in. Her hair was a mess of dark curls, her dress matted with grass and mud. She carried a basket of what Loki knew to be Mandegora- a deadly poison.**_

"_**Darcy, you are being rude." 'Jane' hissed. "Forgive my sister, you are welcome to look around. **_

"_**Thank you." Loki nodded, but kept his eyes on the blushing Darcy, who went about washing the herbs at the back of the store.**_

_**Loki ended up selecting some sprigs of Monkshood and Belladonna, but when going to pay for them found himself to be alone in the shop. **_

_**There were noises coming from the back room and Loki couldn't help but want to go and investigate. He found Darcy attempting to…teach Jane a spell?**_

"_**Look, it's easy." The child giggled as she made a rock levitate. **_

_**Jane concentrated on the feather before her. "It's no use Darcy. It's hopeless."**_

"_**Saying a task is hopeless," Loki said. "Is a fancy way of giving up."**_

"_**What he said." Darcy smiled up at him, and then looked at the herbs in his hand. "You wanna buy those? That's three sprigs of Monkshood and four Belladonna…comes to six silver coins."**_

_**Loki instead handed the girl a sack the size of his palm filled with gold coins. "A young sorcoress needs to be able to purchase the means to practise." He patted her head and went on his way.**_

Loki stood before his men one day, his clothing was casual for the first time. "I stand before you today, proud." He adressed them. "You have all exceeded any expectations- which weren't very high in the first place. I would be proud to lead you into battle.

"However, it is no longer necessary. In the time it has taken us to prepare, Alvenheim has realized the foolishness of all this and asked to make peace. I, along with the other leaders and the All-Father, will depart for Asgard in the morning to sign a peace treaty."

There were sounds of disapointment amongst the men, and Loki spoke above them all in a voice of authority. "Any questions can be answered by Clint- he's in his quarters at this time."

An entire squadron of angry men stormed over to Clint's tent and began wreaking havoc over it and him.

Loki chuckled, but heard another laugh also. "That wasn't very nice." Baldur grinned.

"I am the God of Mischief." Loki shrugged.

"May we speak?" Baldur asked. "Alone?" he- oddly- offered Loki his hand. The god took it, albeit confused. Bladur manipulated the shadows to pass through, and they came to a hilly farm. The fields were green, a creek ran along the side. At the base of it there was a small cottage.

"Is this your home?" Loki asked, surprised that Baldur had mastered the art of shadow- travel already.

"It is." Baldur's voice changed. It became sultry, sweet, and most definitely feminin.

At once his form changed: his hair was longer, his face and build more delicate, an ample bosum, lips plump and pommegranate, lashes long and dark. In place of armor there was a simple dress that hugged her curves.

"I wanted to tell you sooner." The woman before him said. "But you must understand; my family needed their honor restored. I was the one to cause the dishonor, so it had to be me to remedy it.

"There was a man, he wished to wed me but I couldn't even stand the mere sight of him! He was cruel, malicious, rude and abusive." She rubbed her abdomen as if remembering an old wound. The sight made Loki's blood boil. Who could harm such a creature?

"When I refused his proposal, he dishonored my family. No one in the village would look at us anymore. We couldn't sell our wares, we were starving!

"Time came to enlist for the war- but my father was injured badly in the last. He was not made for war and I feared this would truly kill him."

"So you took his place." Loki said. "What is your name?"

"Darcy. Darcy Eriksdottir."

And Loki, who was never rash, who always thought through what he did, pulled Darcy close and pressed his lips to her own.

Erik Selvigsson went into town some months later, with a smug grin on his face. He had just returned from Asgard the day before, and wanted a drop of ale. He hadn't been able to go to the tavern in ages, yet he strolled in there like he was the king of the world.

He sat up at the bar and of course the bartender ignored him. "Oh come now, Jarvis." He grinned. "All this over what you call lack of honor?"

"Honor makes a man sir." Jarvis muttered.

"Indeed it does. I am fortunate my daughter has much of it."

This made every man in there go silent and perk his ears. Clumsy, good for nothing Darcy?

"How?" one asked.

"She went to war." Erik took a pint of ale from Jarvis and took a sip. "Charmed the Prince Loki. Now they are wed. My eldest, Jane has also caught the eye of Prince Thor. There are rumors that Odin shall name both sons king- making both of my girls queens."

In Asgard, Darcy stood out on her husbands balcony and smiled at the setting sun. Loki came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her small form, kissing her head. He began pondering how she made wearing only a sheet the most beautiful thing.

"Good morning, sir." She grinned.

"At ease, soldier." He smirked.

"Another day of wedding feasts?" Darcy sighed.

"The last, my love. I thought we could spend some time in another realm. Away from the chaos of court."

"I hear Midguard is lovely this time of year."

"Midgard it is then." Loki smiled. "I love you."

Darcy stood on her tip toes and kissed him. "I love you too."

_**We are men. We must be swift as the coursing river. We are men. With all the force of a great typhoon. We are men. With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.**_

**Whoo, that was long! 4, 088 word! 11 pages too…not bad…**

**Anyway, I hope you liked it! I worked really hard on this one. I didn't want to go the whole course of Mulan where she gets wounded in battle and he's all hurt and what not. Considering Loki is the more level-headed brother, I figured he'd take the news of his love having a vagina very well. If anything he'd be relieved.**

**Loki: I was willing to change MY gender if he really was a man!**

**I know, and I'm sure she appreciated it sweetie. Please remember to review!**


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